Worship Attendee Gifts

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Early Piety

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

R.C.I.A.

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Finger puppets in church.

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

Today's Sermon: We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. Is there any chance of a bailout?

'It helps with reception.'

Four Chanting Monks

'Look at all of God's children. Then again, they might be just thousands of tiny, little circles.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

"The Pastor requested that no decaf be served. The congregation is nodding off during service."

Church: Open Sundays

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.