Worship Attendee Gifts

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Early Piety

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Finger puppets in church.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"The Pastor requested that no decaf be served. The congregation is nodding off during service."

Four Chanting Monks

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

'It helps with reception.'

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

Church: Open Sundays

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'