Attending Services Pillows

'Hey, the Preacher is talking about you Dad.'

'Does anyone have a light, please?

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

A man accidently sitting in a taken seat.

Devil in the first pew of church.

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Sloaney Pony.

Early Piety

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

A man cheers

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

How's my sermon. . .

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

R.C.I.A.

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

I am your BIGGEST fan!

"More croutons, sir?"

"How much longer, roughly, will you be introducing me as a 'disgruntled Republican'?"

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'He hasn't missed a turnout in ten years!'

Finger puppets in church.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

The Waiter

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

How's my Sermon . . .

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

"You've got to blurb me to her."