Attending Mass Gifts

John panics as he realizes being first to put money in the offering means people will know how much he gave.

Jesus breaks the bread.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Sloaney Pony.

Priest's 'To do' list.

Early Piety

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

I am your BIGGEST fan!

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Finger puppets in church.

'He hasn't missed a turnout in ten years!'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"How much longer, roughly, will you be introducing me as a 'disgruntled Republican'?"

"The Pastor requested that no decaf be served. The congregation is nodding off during service."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

"You've got to blurb me to her."

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

"Let's start a small group."

Been a while since I've seen such a high scoring game!

"Behold! NOW is the accepted time to repent!"

'Personally, I prefer a more traditional message for Easter Service.'

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Vicar losing his place in the sermon.

Important balloons, $30.

'Hey, the Preacher is talking about you Dad.'

"...and Lord, we thank You for blessing Farmer Finkel with an abundant bean harvest...and thus our new pews."

Sign Stating 'Keep off the Grass! Thy Tresspasses will Not be Forgiven."

"Any apologies for absence?"