Attending Mass Pillows

John panics as he realizes being first to put money in the offering means people will know how much he gave.

Jesus breaks the bread.

Sloaney Pony.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Priest's 'To do' list.

Early Piety

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

R.C.I.A.

I am your BIGGEST fan!

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"How much longer, roughly, will you be introducing me as a 'disgruntled Republican'?"

Finger puppets in church.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'He hasn't missed a turnout in ten years!'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

"You've got to blurb me to her."

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"The Pastor requested that no decaf be served. The congregation is nodding off during service."

"Let's start a small group."

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

Been a while since I've seen such a high scoring game!

'Personally, I prefer a more traditional message for Easter Service.'

"Behold! NOW is the accepted time to repent!"

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Vicar losing his place in the sermon.

Important balloons, $30.

'Hey, the Preacher is talking about you Dad.'

"...and Lord, we thank You for blessing Farmer Finkel with an abundant bean harvest...and thus our new pews."