Attending Art Exhibitions Gifts

'Did Andy Warhol really do all this without photoshop?'

"I call it, 'Utter Crap From A Drunk But You Nitwits Will Pay Me Fifty Grand For It Anyway'. Thoughts?"

'My work is about having a big tin f grey paint in the shed.'

'Sorry, Steve, but we're trading you to France for two impressionists and a dadaist to be named later.'

Elvis Presley buying a ticket to art show saying "One for the Monet"

"Now, this one I like."

"Er, excuse me... My eyes are down here, pal!"

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"Well....I could've done this!"

It's a call from Tate modern.

"It's a mobile."

Art Gallery.

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

'It's like a piece of music, like Mozart or Beethoven.'

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

"I could do that."

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"I detect an accent – money?"

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

Tilted painting

"Is that all you can say - 'It's not messy'?"

Unfinished Masterpiece.

His new 'Absence of Anything' reminds me strangely of his earlier blank 'Nothing to Say' canvasses."

"But all it's playing is Mussorgsky's 'pictures at an exhibition'."

"Who's the artist?"

"In this piece, the price clearly does not reflect what the artist is trying to say."

'Personally, I don't question these things. My snout period will simply end when it ends.'

Tracey Emin - Private view.

"I like it. Just trying to imagine how it would look in my yoga studio."

"Apparently, he had occasional sober periods."

"I collect art. Or trash, depending on your point of view."

"I like it, it takes me back to my childhood."

"I suffer for my art..."

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."