Attending A Will Reading Pillows

'-and to all those cynics who said I couldn't take it with me-we're being cremated together.'

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

'...and to his son, he has left his leprosy...'

'I'll read the will.' - 'I don't like the look of this.'

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about inheritance tax."

"As per your father's wishes, the reading of the will shall be preceded by a tight five-minute comedy set inspired by my dating life -- or lack thereof!"

'As we all know your deceased Anna Clara was a devoted cat lover...'

'...Mom said i can have it!' 'No way! She promised I get the painting!'

'Hold up everyone. I read that last part wrong. She wants you to divide the 'cash' equally.'

"Apparently he took it all with him."

'Here's where your father geocached your inheritance.'

The estate goes toy unless your relative shows up, he does.

"I want to leave everything to my cat."

'The good news is that you've inherited something from your father. The bad news is, it's his huge nose.'

"And to my wife who hated my bellyaching,I leave my ulcer..."

'It's the Executor of my Grandfathers will - I've been cut off without a scent.'

The Controversial Will

". . . and I leave my whole estate to my one true companion, public radio."

George Washington