Will Reading Pillows

"Says here he leaves behind a wife, two children, and forty-seven Twitter followers."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"I was hoping I could have something to remember you by. You know, like money."

'...Mom said i can have it!' 'No way! She promised I get the painting!'

"I, Mrs Trellis, being of sound mind leave everything to my beloved, Tiddles."

"To my hairs..."

'So the entire estate goes to you. Unless your grandfather's brother turns up.'

The estate goes toy unless your relative shows up, he does.

'I'll read the will.' - 'I don't like the look of this.'

'I, J. Wellington Griswald, being of sound mind but unfortunately, not of sound stock ventures...'

I'll read the will...

'Being of sound mind...I spent all my money on booze and broads.'

'He took it with him.'

'And this is my uncle James. Bit of a family disappointment really. He only left a paltry four million in his will!'

'Those aren't vultures. Those are his relatives.'

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

Nest egg goes to Henny Penny

"And I leave all my digital data to. . ."

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Occu-Pie Mars

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

The Anti-Agent

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Let's not go by the book.'