Reading A Will Pillows

'I, Jackson Kluck, being of unsound mind, spent it all on therapy.'

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

"I can't help feeling, that you are expecting too much from this reading of your Uncle's will!"

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

Monster Horrorscopes

Waiting Room For Godot.

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

Psychic: Palm reading, tarot, and lost and found.

'...and to his son, he has left his leprosy...'

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

Seance: That line is currently busy...would you care to keep holding?

"As per your father's wishes, the reading of the will shall be preceded by a tight five-minute comedy set inspired by my dating life -- or lack thereof!"

I just knew this would be dull.

'I'll read the will.' - 'I don't like the look of this.'

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

'...Mom said i can have it!' 'No way! She promised I get the painting!'

Madame Lucille Fortune Teller. "I predict the future."

'Hold up everyone. I read that last part wrong. She wants you to divide the 'cash' equally.'