Reading Of A Will Pillows

"I reckon we can forget the word cruise, Doreen!"

'Hold up everyone. I read that last part wrong. She wants you to divide the 'cash' equally.'

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

"As per your father's wishes, the reading of the will shall be preceded by a tight five-minute comedy set inspired by my dating life -- or lack thereof!"

'Mr Potter's will calls for a winner takes all poker tournament.'

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

Waiting Room For Godot.

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

'...and to his son, he has left his leprosy...'

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about inheritance tax."

'I'll read the will.' - 'I don't like the look of this.'

'As we all know your deceased Anna Clara was a devoted cat lover...'

'...Mom said i can have it!' 'No way! She promised I get the painting!'

"Apparently he took it all with him."

"And to my wife who hated my bellyaching,I leave my ulcer..."

'The good news is that you've inherited something from your father. The bad news is, it's his huge nose.'

'Here's where your father geocached your inheritance.'

"I want to leave everything to my cat."

The estate goes toy unless your relative shows up, he does.

'It's the Executor of my Grandfathers will - I've been cut off without a scent.'

The Controversial Will

". . . and I leave my whole estate to my one true companion, public radio."