Will Reading T-Shirts

"Says here he leaves behind a wife, two children, and forty-seven Twitter followers."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

'...Mom said i can have it!' 'No way! She promised I get the painting!'

"I, Mrs Trellis, being of sound mind leave everything to my beloved, Tiddles."

"To my hairs..."

'So the entire estate goes to you. Unless your grandfather's brother turns up.'

The estate goes toy unless your relative shows up, he does.

'I'll read the will.' - 'I don't like the look of this.'

'I, J. Wellington Griswald, being of sound mind but unfortunately, not of sound stock ventures...'

I'll read the will...

'Being of sound mind...I spent all my money on booze and broads.'

'He took it with him.'

'And this is my uncle James. Bit of a family disappointment really. He only left a paltry four million in his will!'

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

Nest egg goes to Henny Penny

"And I leave all my digital data to. . ."

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Occu-Pie Mars

The Anti-Agent

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Staff support"

Copycats