Reading History Pillows

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"Watch yourself, stranger. I've got an itchy trigger finger."

"I know, I know! I said they had a fortress balance sheet. How was I supposed to know it would turn out to be the Alamo?"

'Of course I've done something about Lady Godiva -- I had security cameras installed all over town!'

Hee-Haul

Hitchcock's The Birds

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

The Anti-Agent

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"You're fired."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Occu-Pie Mars

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."