Reading History Pillows

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"Watch yourself, stranger. I've got an itchy trigger finger."

"I know, I know! I said they had a fortress balance sheet. How was I supposed to know it would turn out to be the Alamo?"

'Of course I've done something about Lady Godiva -- I had security cameras installed all over town!'

Hee-Haul

Hitchcock's The Birds

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

The Anti-Agent

"You're fired."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Occu-Pie Mars

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Staff support"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."