Athletic Therapist Gifts

Football League: Concussions R US.

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Couples' therapy

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Football

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

Perils of the double play.

'We have three minutes left.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"Uptight End"

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

Shrinks in heaven