Athletic Therapist Gifts

Football League: Concussions R US.

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

Couples' therapy

I think this interleague play is getting out of hand.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

Football

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

Perils of the double play.

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"Uptight End"

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

'We have three minutes left.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'