Athletic Trainer Gifts

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

'Is this a foreleg? Back leg? Antenna?....'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

"So, what can I do for you?"

'He's our team doctor, athletic trainer, chiropractor and psychiatrist all rolled in one.'

'No, Jerome, that is incorrect... can anyone else demonstrate the proper way to tape a basketball player's ankle?'

'Actually, I'm an athletic trainer. I just do hair removal on the side.'

'Tape it up real tight, Floyd ... and the other ankle too.'

'I'm an athletic trainer, not a miracle worker.'

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

'Our athletic trainer is working through some 'issues' ...'

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also getting compensation for closed-head injuries."

'Same tragic story...A disgruntled athletic trainer burst into the locker room and starts taping players at random...'

'Never mind! He's in an HMO. ...They're sending a tow truck.'

'...The athletic trainer's coming with the WD-40.'

'...But I want to be miles away when the athletic trainer peels that tape off his hairy leg.'

'Stay rigid! Don't move! ... Fetch the salt pills - he's got a full body cramp.'

'Athletic Trainer in the locker room...'

'How's that kidney transplant going?... I need him back on the field - pronto!'

"Did you really just tell me to keep my eye on the ball?"

Brains on the field.

'The knee brace should help, coach. But - honestly - I'm not even sure if we have knees.'

Tennis player lands on the net.

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'tell the new athletic trainer I want to see him immediately after practice.'

Perils of the double play.

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

'Seven seconds flat - a new world record! ... Wait. Whoa! How ironic is that? Our champion sprained her own ankle.'

'You're still getting caught by those upper cuts.'

'What are the chances? I mean, all 10 players simultaneously dive for a loose ball and conk heads?'

'I like that guy. He gets a splitting headache, but instead of quitting, he calls time out, the athletic trainer tapes him up, and he gets right back in the game.'

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'