Assistant Professors Gifts

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

In basket-case.

'Hmph. College kids.'

Thinking Gears

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"Make a lot of money."

"Morning, all!"

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

U of Debt

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Good Luck!

Shake it all about sign on desk

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

The University Cricket Match - a sketch at Lord's.

"Thank god you're early. It's a can of worms."

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"....how many kids have we got now?"