Adjunct Professor Gifts

"Before I was Socrates, I was Socrates the adjunct professor struggling to get tenure."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'I know crime doesn't pay, Dean Fenton, but neither does being an adjunct educator of philosophy at a community college.'

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"To talk about the 76% of my time preparing lectures, press one. To talk about why adjunct professors teach most of the classes, press two, to talk. . ."

Tenure Beach/Adjunct Area

"Let's play grown-ups. I'll be the tenured professor. You can be the per-diem teaching assistant."

'Hmph. College kids.'

Thinking Gears

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"Make a lot of money."

U of Debt

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

University Soapflakes

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'Forget the DaVinci Code! I'm still trying to crack the tax code!'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

The University Cricket Match - a sketch at Lord's.

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

Studied the Constitution. Didn't like it.

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.