Adjunct Gifts

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

"I love academe. And academe loves me to death. But crap, I'm just not in love."

'I'm not a great fan of tenure, but in my case, my doctor prescribed it, so what could I do?'

Man behind stage to lady about professor with person under podium: 'That's Professor Allen's understudy.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Just be yourself."

In basket-case.

"Morning, all!"

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Good Luck!

Shake it all about sign on desk

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

"Thank god you're early. It's a can of worms."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

"....how many kids have we got now?"

Tom Hanks

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

InIn by-products.

Not much money, glory, or praise

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Do you have an appointment?"

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

In - Out - Pending.

"My assistant will show you the ropes."

'Relax, sir. He's a Border Colie - smartest of all breeds!'

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."