Aspiring Job Hero Gifts

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

Businesswoman Empowerment

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

Caged Businessman

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Running Latte

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'If he has a pulse, hire him!'

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

'With one stroke of his fibre-tipped pen, Cartoonman laid waste to all that was evil...'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

'Do you have an appointment?'

Branch Manager Interviews: "Who's next?"

Union organizer in a hostile workplace. . .

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"He's a loose cannon with nothing left to lose, but he's the best damn file clerk I've ever seen."

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

"Your resume shows you have had numerous jobs and in all of them you were rather invisible."

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'This is a very impressive resume. Did you pad it yourself.'

Office Woman

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Any awards or honors?'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'Impressive résumé. Any character references, mom?'