Aspiring Comic Gifts

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

'I really wanted to only take accounting courses, but my parents made me take this cartooning class so I would have something to fall back on.'

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

Children's Imagination

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

Directors chairs on movie set with Model, Actress, and Whatever on them

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

Office Politics Superstore.

"Mom told me to make my vegetables disapear."

"This area is popular with would-be actresses and models,we call it 'Silicon Implants'."

"That'll be the day!"

'Mummy, Mummy, I've been practising the whole afternoon: Wanna hear my evil laugh?'

"I've made a fortune as a successful artist! I couldn't see this happening if I became a soldier or a worker..."

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

'Oh Rats! I can't be creative with a box of flat crayons!'

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

'I've learned that adding water to coffee only weakens the effect.'

"I've been an emerging artist for ten years now..."

"There are several words I could use to describe your condition, but I'm leaning towards whiney."

'I need to practice painting the human figure, MOM! Models cost money!"

Mail and Femail restrooms for envelopes.

'I was only famous for 14 and a half minutes.'

"It's your real-estate agent. She says she may have found you a higher ledge."