Aspirin Enthusiast Gifts

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

"Anybody who doesn't like our one-party system can go to Russia!"

Effective Cuban vaccines

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

Of all the gin joints in the world, you are here.

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

Step aerobics

'...27...28...29...by golly, you're right, this is good aerobic exercise!'

'I'm very sorry, sir. Even for stressed out bankers, whiskey and gin aren't tax-deductible expenses.'

You're my Statue of Liberty

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

Hexercise.

The Day Trader

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"Ever since my great fall, I've been searching for that same adrenaline rush."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'Here are our hot new drugs for fall.'

'Yeah? Well... bite me! No... wait!'

'Good! And now - by simply shifting your weight - begin to carve a wide, slow turn across the slope.'

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

Homer

"There's no need to scream. The plane may be old but she was built for aerobatics."

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

Giant 'NO' with a small man holding a 'Yes',

Speed Limit 32ft/sec2

Scariest Tactics