Artistic Opportunist Gifts

Sculpture Vulture

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Take the picture, dam it, take the picture!"

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

'Most of my clients are shareholders, managers and sales executives.'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

Business Books: How to profit from authoritarianism.

"I will place this broken phone charger in the 'man' drawer. Where in six months time, it will magically fix itself."

This next song is about facing your fears, which I'll be playing on the ukulele.

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Origins of the 'Beard Of Bees'.

Were you aware, minion, that bees are dying off by the millions all over North America? No. Studies show it was caused by a certain type of pesticide that was introduced in the 1990s. A pesticide that nobody can prove was concocted by a young man in my - I mean, his - basement. Anyone who thought ahead and stocked an underground cavern with 50 tons of honey is going to clean up. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Very bad man.

Small Business Loan of Pencils

"My reasons for asking for a raise are wholly unselfish. I wish to marry your daughter!"

"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."

'We have something with terrific fringe benefits. No salary - just fringe benefits.'

"Portraits? Sorry, I don't do portraits. I'm doing religious paintings for economic leaders."

Dye now, pay later!

Careers Fair

Bush's Hacker

Another Big-Headed Cartoonist

Hotel checkout.

'As if the paper shortage isn't bad enough, now I hear there's an ink shortage.'

I've organized us a double date with the twins from despatch. Cool! What are their names? Kylie and Troy.

Instant winner trash can

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

"We offer a short-term high yield bond fund that may fit your particular investing priorities."

"It's a collection for Shirley. I want to take her to lunch."

I'm about to get rich, Randy. Filthy rich. How so, little buddy? The federal government's going to seize privately owned lands along the U.S.-Mexico border so they can build Trump's wall. But they'll have to pay the landowners lots of money. So I bought a dirt cheap stretch of land along the border. But no one knows where exactly the wall will be. That's why I bought a 1-inch-wide strip of land that stretches from Colorado to Mexico. You're crazy like a fox that's gone crazy.

"Just get over there and let me get a picture."

All Around the world, business leaders are rising to the challenge of climate change. . .

'This isn't Lindsey, but I AM free for dinner saturday night.'

"You look at the ocean and see peace and tranquility. . . I see opportunities for offshore drilling!"