Artificial Turf Lover Gifts

Keep Off The Plastic Grass

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

Beware of the Lawn

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'If I've calculated correctly, I have two more birthdays before I never have to mow the lawn again.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

I love tennis

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

Genetic engineering - mutant DNA escaping from a laboratory.

Mower Repair

My parents had a mutual love of grass.

'Honey, could you turn the water on?'

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

Lawn Furniture/Yawn Furniture.

"Larry's taking a victory lap around the crab grass before putting the mower away for the winter."

Mowing the Jungle

'The grass is plastic, too.'

Mohawk Yard.

'Still haven't given up on your lawn, eh, Pertzborn?'

'To peeeEEE, or not to pee... That is the question.'

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

That lawn maintenance gizmo is advertised to have 101 uses. Leave it to Fred to find 102.

"Do you have anything less - green?"

"Yeah, well, then you should've said merchandise or maybe contents sale, right?"