Artificial Turf Lover Gifts

Keep Off The Plastic Grass

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Beware of the Lawn

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

'If I've calculated correctly, I have two more birthdays before I never have to mow the lawn again.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

I love tennis

Genetic engineering - mutant DNA escaping from a laboratory.

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

Mower Repair

My parents had a mutual love of grass.

Shoot, I forgot about that underground sprinkler.

'This is Ed down the street. Your dog is doing his business on my lawn again.'

'Honey, could you turn the water on?'

Lawn Furniture/Yawn Furniture.

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

'The grass is plastic, too.'

Mohawk Yard.

"Larry's taking a victory lap around the crab grass before putting the mower away for the winter."

Mowing the Jungle

'Still haven't given up on your lawn, eh, Pertzborn?'

'To peeeEEE, or not to pee... That is the question.'

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

"Do you have anything less - green?"

"Yeah, well, then you should've said merchandise or maybe contents sale, right?"