Turf Fanatic Gifts

How does she get her grass so green?

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"And what do you do to maintain your cardiovascular fitness, Miss Holt?"

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

'No matter where the deer are they will be able to hear this grunt.'

Tee for Two!

'Was it the beaver dream again?'

"You've opened my eyes to the most disgusting worldly delights."

A Scotsman in a court wearing sports gear is hardly news.

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

'For having no natural enemies we sure are not liked too much.'

I warned you to keep it low!

'I don't know what these things are, but Master spends a lot of time away from the house with them...'

"All the atmosphere of 'Murray Mound' but in the comfort of your own home!"

'My client's human rights have been violated by deporting him before the good weather and Andy Murray's win.'

"You've been overdoing the tree hugging."

'Whenever Ralph finds a golf ball he puts it in the basement.'

"I think I see your problem...You're standing too close to the ball"

'You don't want to show favouritism Bruce-it upsets the others.'

"Bad case of 'Swivel Neck' comes from trying to watch too many games at the same time!"