Art Exhibition Attendee T-Shirts

"I could do that."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

It's a call from Tate modern.

Painting taking root...

Picasso: The Early Years

"It's a mobile."

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

Art Gallery.

The Cremaster Cycle

'You're no Pollock.'

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

Instant art

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

Michelangelo's David is cleaned every two months.

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

"Who's the artist?"

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'Personally, I don't question these things. My snout period will simply end when it ends.'

"But all it's playing is Mussorgsky's 'pictures at an exhibition'."

"This was his real breakthrough piece."

"You've once said about your work, 'Meow, meow-meow, meeeow.' What did you mean by that?"

'I'm not cut out for this job' (Matisse sketch to cut out paper model)

'I call it 'No Admittance'.'

Tracey Emin - Private view.

"Apparently, he had occasional sober periods."

"I like it. Just trying to imagine how it would look in my yoga studio."

"So you're an investor who dabbles in art? I happen to be an artist who dabbles in money."

"It's taken her years to develop that naive, spontaneous, style."

'I'm really a painter and decorator - I only do this to pay the bills.'

"I suffer for my art..."

"I'm expected to write a good review of this stuff... So here I go with some confusing art rhetoric."

I paint landscapes to cleanse my palette.