Army Antics Appreciators Gifts

'No, Corporal Shirley - You don't get a Purple Heart for a broken fingernail!'

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

A military officer sits at his desk with desk trays marked 'Search' and 'Destroy.'

The Jerry Scarer

"Let's see, this one is cherry flavored, I think this one is blueberry ..."

'Me? Morale Officer? --Why do you always pick on ME?'

Cheek

'I keep yelling at my privates.'

"General, last night while we were here, encamped for concert tickets, the enemy encamped across the river for theatre tickets."

"I bet you miss your brother."

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

Henry was hoping nobody would notice that he had lost his helmet...'

'We had no idea you were coming' - ACME Stealth Missile

'What'll it be . . . too large or too small?'

"When I said, 'Never bring a knife to a gunfight,' I figured the spoon and fork were also implied."

Really big bang

'General practitoner'

Army barber says: 'Don't say 'Surprise me', soldier. I've never managed that yet.'

'…and if you feel dizzy and pass out - pass out lying at attention!'

BRINGGGG!, 'I TOLD you to turn off your cell phone!'

The Boche Catcher

To recap: Last week, Rudy attended the Sadie Cohen's Attitude Adjustment and Rapid Response Training Seminar. In case you missed it, a flashback. Drop and give me 20 highly-personal insults. Drop? You call yourself a lady? No, wait, what? But then magic happened. Drop, and give me … Pipe down, bearded lady. Rudy Shock Jock is in the house!

Memorial Day

"Let's go for a crewcut to salute our tremendous military."

"Soldier, you're out of uniform ..."

'When I ordered you to clean the john with a toothbrush, I didn't mean an electric one!'

'Soldier, we don't discuss Murphy's Law and the War on Terror in the same breath around here!'

Enlist now! K-9 Corps...'You're a cat!'

'I never forget the launch code. It's the same as my account number at Blockbuster.'

'Soldier, shinny up this tree and see if you can locate our bivouac area.'

'Uhm... Independence Day fireworks? Well...our war plane crew believed they were taking fire from anti-aircraft weapons...ain't that funny?'

"- And then I get these overwhelming desires to make love to a man in uniform...."

Super advanced training: 'The object is to stay on top, while rolling down hill.'

'This is one place in the army where you have to hurry to and they don't keep you waiting!'

Servicemen holding American flag. Sergeant says 'Good news, men, we'll be getting the new flagpole tomorrow.'