Armchair Aficionado Gifts

Comfort zone

'Good. The new chairs for our staff canteen.'

'Why assume anyone else wants to sit on your stupid old chair?'

"Question ... what is my motivation to ever leave this armchair?"

"Just the slippers is fine!"

"If it's your chair, man up and get him out of it!"

'He reminds me of the ocean - makes me sick!'

'How do you like your new, 'self rising armchair', Mum?'

"People over sixty simply don't have the strength to leave the chair and can therefore not get hurt."

"The damn thing won't even recline!"

"Justin isn't sleeping, he's giving his brain a rest."

"Meet The Author"

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"This new chair has the smoothest 360 swivel action on the market!"

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"OK, last time: Cado teak lounge chair from Denmark – me. Doggy bed – you."

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

My Literary Influences

Travelogue

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

Ironing Punctuation

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'