Appraisal Anxiety Gifts

'If you had a bad evaluation you'll know right away.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"Pencil eraser."

"Your first thirty days is a probationary period. Following that, we'll review your performance and consider giving you a cubicle with a door!"

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"Yes, you do go the extra mile for this company. But you've been going in the wrong direction."

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

"Frankly, your performance has been spotty."

'I've read my appraisal and this is my solicitor - I intend to sue you!'

'We value you in ways that cannot be expressed in money.'

Parental Anxiety

'Global warming, international terrorism, melting polar ice caps, receding hairline... It's all very worrying.'

'Average A-level passes of grade B, well yes I suppose you are a failure'

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

'Is it a BIRD?...Is it a PLANE?...No it's another in depth inspection from the Quality Care Commission.'

"It's way too cerebral. What were you thinking?"

"I admire your dogged determination."

'Well done Flipper, you seem to be balancing your workload well.'

The Scream take its temperature

'Within the last months, you worked perfectly and I've got nothing to blame you for. Do you hate me for something in particular?'

Ssomething tells me this award has gone to his head!

"Okay, your story checks out. You're not a Peeping Tom, you're just a creepy real estate appraiser."

"You were employee of the month last month. What have you done lately?"

"Saaay, aren't you the I.R.S. guy who audited me last week?"

Bubbie's parrot

'The return of the Jehovah's Witnesses'

"I have to tell you Jim. Your position is under serious review right now!"

'Gail, my dear, please don't talk about sex - my God this is a restaurant!'

"You understand that we screen applicants pretty thoroughly."

"We couldn't find an introvert who was willing to take part."

'Undamaged, it would have been worth a small fortune...'