Appearance Anxieties Gifts

"I'm devastated...I found a long grey hair on his suit this morning. Instead of lying and telling me he had another woman, the b**stard points out that it's one of mine!"

That party went well.

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

Nervous at a party.

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

'A neighbour of mine has just come in - put 'em in a size 4 box, will you?'

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

"Wig or the wisp?"

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"Height is the only thing I'm capable of changing about myself."

"This was the closest I could get to being invisible."

"Actually, I don't read much, they're just background for my video calls."

'Anything else you want fixing, while I'm taking the mole off your nose?'

Arrival in the New World was a stressful time for the pilgrims on the Wallflower.

"You should have told me you needed advice."

"I'm not so much interested in 'wellness' as I am 'swellness'."

"The gentleman opposite would like to buy you more time."

'You are my best work.'

"Hello... I will be your instructor for this assertiveness training course... that is... I mean... if you don't mind!"

"Let's go somewhere fun and not really experience it."

"Oh, the pain I can take—it's the awkward silence between conversations that's torture."

'Who told you you couldn't change your spots Miss Leopards? Of course you can...'

Hairstyles to hide big ears

Now playing... everything you said at the party.

'My cosmetic surgery clinic does well but it's always nip and tuck.'