Appearance-conscious Individuals Gifts

Hairstyles to hide big ears

wattle covers

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

'A neighbour of mine has just come in - put 'em in a size 4 box, will you?'

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

'With all these new surveillance cameras around town, I'm not going anywhere without full-make-up.'

'Do you have anything that reeks of power?'

'It's an easy product to sell. We just have patients view themselves in high def.'

If clothes make the man make sure yours don't make you into a twat.

"Wig or the wisp?"

"Height is the only thing I'm capable of changing about myself."

'Anything else you want fixing, while I'm taking the mole off your nose?'

"The gentleman opposite would like to buy you more time."

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

"I'm not so much interested in 'wellness' as I am 'swellness'."

'Perfect.'

'You are my best work.'

'Oh, come on. . . you can't tell me Dasher hasn't had antler enhancement surgery!'

'Who told you you couldn't change your spots Miss Leopards? Of course you can...'

'No, your eyes are perfect, but fake glasses would sure make you look smarter.'

'Do these pants make my butte look big?'

"And this is what the tattoo you've chosen will look like in thirty years."