Appearance-conscious Individuals Gifts

Hairstyles to hide big ears

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

wattle covers

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

'A neighbour of mine has just come in - put 'em in a size 4 box, will you?'

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

Through thick and thin, John always managed to keep a stiff upper lip.

'With all these new surveillance cameras around town, I'm not going anywhere without full-make-up.'

'It's an easy product to sell. We just have patients view themselves in high def.'

"Height is the only thing I'm capable of changing about myself."

"Wig or the wisp?"

'Do you have anything that reeks of power?'

If clothes make the man make sure yours don't make you into a twat.

'Anything else you want fixing, while I'm taking the mole off your nose?'

"The gentleman opposite would like to buy you more time."

'Perfect.'

Ew, I look terrible! Take one more!

Do you have hair, um, rinses that look natural? Of course! So that no one notices? Ahem! Oh, right

"I'm not so much interested in 'wellness' as I am 'swellness'."

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

'You are my best work.'

'Oh, come on. . . you can't tell me Dasher hasn't had antler enhancement surgery!'

'Who told you you couldn't change your spots Miss Leopards? Of course you can...'

'Do these pants make my butte look big?'

Plastic Surgery. No, after the face-lift you won't need to walk on tiptoes.

'No, your eyes are perfect, but fake glasses would sure make you look smarter.'