Personal Appearance Gifts

Never mess with someone who's having a bad hair day.

Scruffy man on desert island has written in the sand 'Help!! Need make grooming products.'

Hairstyles to hide big ears

"Wig or the wisp?"

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

Congratulations on the new you!

'I'll take it!'

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'Does this suit make me look too eager?'

This year I'm a different person. I'm starting school as the new, cooler me. Way to go, Twig! Diner. Everyone will notice the change. It feels kind of risky. I've never worn my hair down!

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

Woman leaves cosmetic surgery as her waste skin is dumped in skip.

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

'A neighbour of mine has just come in - put 'em in a size 4 box, will you?'

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

Russell Rebrand

'Take ten years off the top.'

"Height is the only thing I'm capable of changing about myself."

"Actually, I don't read much, they're just background for my video calls."

'Anything else you want fixing, while I'm taking the mole off your nose?'

'Perfect.'

"The gentleman opposite would like to buy you more time."

Ew, I look terrible! Take one more!

'I'm looking for something that reeks moderation and restraint.'

"I'm not so much interested in 'wellness' as I am 'swellness'."

Do you have hair, um, rinses that look natural? Of course! So that no one notices? Ahem! Oh, right

'You are my best work.'

'Oh, come on. . . you can't tell me Dasher hasn't had antler enhancement surgery!'

'Who told you you couldn't change your spots Miss Leopards? Of course you can...'