Appliance Aficionado Gifts

'Your husband is on line two. He says it's an emergency. He wants to know how to work the microwave.'

Kitchen Waste

Castle drawbridge opens to reveal a dishwasher

'Whatever's the most durable. This is the fifth year it's been regifted.'

Why don't you look at ME that way?

'And with this model we throw in a nice selection of refrigerator magnets!'

'When it does, deliver it to this address.'

"The washing machine is very energy efficient. I just wish Frank was!"

Bought one last year. Biggest mistake we ever made. He keeps putting the milk back upside down.

More or less dry

'He was our top salesman. We hope that one day, he will be again.'

"When they said the Internet of things we have our appliances talking to each other I didn't think this is what they meant!"

'This will be perfect. I have two teenagers.'

'That hasn't been invented yet. And even if it was, we couldn't afford one.'

'My computer controls all of my appliances. Since I installed pop up blocker software, my toaster doesn't work.'

'You say your picture's funny?...I'm surprised you got a picture at all. That's a microwave oven!'

Snake Charmer Cleaning Stairs with Vacuum.

'Have you tried not watching it, sir?'

'Toasters don't make toast, people make toast...'

"Not right this second, but I'm very unhappy with that refrigerator."

'My freezer's on the blink again.'

"Wow! The big guy! And what kind of B.T.U.s am I looking at here?"

The final all-toast supper at apartment 5-B

'How much just to feel sorry for it?'

Toast Coming To Work

"That is why you don't put 'instant rice' in a slow cooker."

'Got any changing rooms to try this one on?'

'...And it talks'

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

Entertainment systems

'And how EXACTLY am I supposed to peel the carrots when we don't even have an electronic multiblade adjustable potato peeler?'

'Here, give me that - You know you don't understand machinery.'

'Marry me, Linda, and I'll lavish you with gifts.. a vacuum cleaner, an electric range.. a sewing machine, a microwave..'

'Clothes-dryer Messiah.'

'When are you going to get that reefer unit repaired?'