App Addict Pillows

'How many calories do you burn by downloading apps?'

'Hold on a minute. I'm downloading an app to monitor my app downloading.'

Addiction to mobile.

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

'I need a life saving app. I need a life saving app.'

'I'm sorry my social needs are changing & I need to upgrade.'

"Now this app ... this app helps you decide if you need more apps."

Finally! A real-time, app-based solution to most of your pesky first-world problems (free download)!

"There's a nap for that."

"No you are not ok! Tell me what's wrong! You've been sitting for two minutes without checking your phone!"

Mobile Prison

"Hang on - I've got an app for this. . ."

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"Hold on. Some Luddite is trying to talk to me face to face."

"Ahh, now I remember what that app does."

'Steve Jobs says humans are obsolete, so I've decided to replace you with more apps.'

Tech Junkie. Will work for apps.

'You'll be fine, Just limit yourself to two news apps a day,'

'Looks like your app is a little under the weather. Go home and update it and let's follow up next week.'

'My cellphone can more unnecessary stuff than your cellphone.'

"It's an app that lets me know when I'm bored."

"Does that app drain your battery?"

"He leaves behind a wife, two kids, three grandkids, and a 239-day streak on Duolingo."

"The average user checks their smartphone 297 times a day. This app makes sure you don't fall behind."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"You know, there are other emojis."

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

"Isn't there an app for this?"

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'