Apocalypse Readiness Gifts

How to survive the coming crash.

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

IRMA Hurricane Recovery in Cuba

Emergency exit into Space

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

"I can see our house from here."

Zombie Problems

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

The End is Nigh

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"What the hell happened to this town?"

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

Prepper Dog

"My God, now what?"

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Death, Pestilence, (Drugs) War, Famine.

Small Government Is Here

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it!"

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go

Japan Disaster: Japanese fighting Nuclear Grim Reaper.

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

'No, Brian, an asteroid impact would never take us by surprise like it did the dinosaurs because we're highly intelligent and they were very stupid and dull-witted.'

"We'll feel pretty silly if it's downgraded to a tropical storm."