Aphorism Aficionado Gifts

A Late Entry for "Poor Richard's Almanac"

In the beginning: Ed thought life was a bowl of cherries...

"Aw... go on! An apple a day keeps the doctor away y'know..!"

Reading my Critics

Punctuation Police

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

Why we need poetry. . .

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

Schrodinger's Black Box

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

Man selling 'pearls of wisdom'.

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

A Poem about Sand

'Gee, I just never get tired of this!'

Bartlett's Unfamiliar Quotations

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"

"It looks like we've reached the end of reality..."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

'I don't suppose I need to remind anyone that when I use the term 'bite the bullet,' I mean it metaphorically.'

'Are those physical or metaphorical thunderclouds moving in.'

Auguste Comte

Tomato's, Cucumber's, Apostrophe's.

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

"...and to save you time, anything I say that comes back to haunt me, was something taken out of context."

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

"now let's try one without the tusks."

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Costs have risen by 200% and we are behind schedule. We are living up to our acronym gentlemen and I am not happy about it!!"

'So push has come to shove...'