Aficionado Of Aphorisms Gifts

"Life's what happens to you while you're busy quoting other people."

Reading my Critics

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

Punctuation Police

Why we need poetry. . .

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

Schrodinger's Black Box

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

Man selling 'pearls of wisdom'.

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

The Thinker. The Listener

Prayboy

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

Dip Pen

Mark Twain and Charles Dickens make a joint appearance on the lecture circuit

A Poem about Sand

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

'Gee, I just never get tired of this!'

Bartlett's Unfamiliar Quotations

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"It looks like we've reached the end of reality..."

"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."

Tonight's Lecture: Eastern Mystical Approaches to Dream Interpretation. Yin-Yang Jung.

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

With Aristotle, it's either true or false -- He hates it when you say "whatever."

'I don't suppose I need to remind anyone that when I use the term 'bite the bullet,' I mean it metaphorically.'

'Are those physical or metaphorical thunderclouds moving in.'

Auguste Comte

Tomato's, Cucumber's, Apostrophe's.

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."