Apathy Analyst Gifts

Apolitical

Off Duty.

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well-informed."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"Are you talking down to me, Evans? Because I don't like it when people talk down to me."

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Hypochondria Hospital

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

Postcards from Heaven...

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

'Edward de Vere? -- give me a break!'

"Your contact tracing revealed that you have no life."

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

'Earth became too small. I had to opt for a bigger planet for hell.'

Conserve water! NO compulsive hand washing

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

"I hope your day is going bad."

'If you're a public servant, what does that make ME?'

Chernobyl, 30th anniversary

"I'm doing better. The voices in my head can now access my email."

"I'm sensing that un underlying cause of your anxiety is climate change."

Damned if you do...

Who...what...why...when...where...whatever...

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

"You didn't fill out our customer survey."

'So do I get the job or not?'