Antisocial Aficionado Gifts

"I miss avoiding people."

"It's lonely here at the top. Thank goodness I've never been a people person."

"Portrait of a Lady"

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Why moms make bad refs.

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Cristiano Ronaldo

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

The Harper Plays Cricket.

Fox hunting.

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

Football.

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

"So it was a performance enhancing drug."

"Talk about old New York families—they bought their Warhols new!"

Soccer player being showered with toilet roles and a toilet.

'Fantastic!Stupendous!Masterly!Mind blowing!Polished!Unbeatable!Amazing!Incredible! Out of this world!...a performance that's left me speechless.'

"Would you like something by an over promoted high-price athlete or a nobody from Jersey?"

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."