Antisocial Admirer Gifts

"Your father's in a good mood. He's declined 3 friend requests this morning."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

bird interprets modern art

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

Clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought and memory.

Love

"He gets easily abstracted."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

Jackson Pollock Signs A Rent Check

Prisoner still life painting.

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

'Picasso'

"It's a great work!"

"Here the artist opted for a more impressionistic approach, because drawing a tree is hard."

"An overload -- even this is beginning to look like Kitsch."

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."

'Sorry, but I think your Mondrian tattoo was a mistake.'

'The artist did this one during his 'I've got no idea' - period.'

'Why, yes madam, these are my paintings. How did you know?'

"To me..It says Art Council crap regional funding"

"I had a wonderful dream that Anonymous turned out to be me."

Landscape Artists

"I don't pretend to be great. I merely know myself to be very, very good."

The men of your dreams

"So, next week, if it's okay with our wives, wanna have another playdate?"

"It's lonely here at the top. Thank goodness I've never been a people person."

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

The Big Picture

People with tilted heads looking at crooked art gallery painting

'Doing this was easy. Finding someone nuts enough to buy the crap - THAT'S art!'

'It's from his, ‘Hey, my kid could do better than that' period.'