Anticipating College Gifts

"I know a college education means a better life. But I worry about Gracie living on some campus alone."

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

How come rich kids do so well on SAT tests? Their parents give them books, fancy trips, lessons and

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

Fishbowl rebellion.

Trust

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

'It's my application to Harvard...'

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

Back to school.

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

'He's going to college, but he doesn't have an exit strategy.'

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

'Of course creative writing is important. You want to write home for money when you go away to college,don't you?'

"Remember, son, no matter what happens to you, we intend to always keep your room at home exactly as it is right now...empty."

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."