Anti-valentine's Champion Pillows

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

'I don't suppose you're just writing me a Valentine?'

Proposal on a snowboard

"Die alone"

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

"They're free Valentine's Day gifts...chocolate flavored dental floss."

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

'Remind me again darling - what were we just arguing about?'

On the start position

Dead cupid

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

'Of course I've been considering your proposal - You're on the short list '.

"Listen, kid...I'm doing you a favor... Don't call here again for at least another 10 years."

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"

Oh, stop trying to impress the witness with all your fancy legal mumbo jumbo, your honor. I saw her first!

'Aaaah... poop on them!'

'Next year could I just have the chocolate?'

"The bad news is, you've been charged with assault with a deadly weapon. The good news is, your victim has obtained a marriage license."

'He's gone off me-he had a FULL tank!'

A boxer fights a heart shaped punching bag.

"You love me, you wuss. Admit it. You love me!"

Joe's Bar: "Forget Her" Hour, 5-8.

'I guess if I looked half as good in the morning as her, you'd spend breakfast with me?'

"I'm dating a 50-year-old woman! I need prescriptions for erectile dysfunction drugs and medical marijuana."

"Parry Me!"

Remember, we're writing our wedding vows - I don't want to hear any of your world domination nonsense!"

Mr. Tappertit's jealousy

"Looks like someone is moving in on Bobby's Girl."

I take playing footsie very seriously, Jane. You may have won the first two rounds, but let's make it three out of five. ?

"I know what you're thinking and you should be ashamed of yourself."