Anti-gluten Humorist Gifts

"This was supposed to be 'Gluten-Free Comedy Night.' Which means no wheat jokes."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"Two vegans, please."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'The customer is always right...'

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"Hey, this is just a bun!" "Help yourself to the mustard."

A sheep ordering in a restaurant - the sole item on the menu is grass.

Two vegetarians please.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

Free salad bar.

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Eat lots of carrots."

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'