Anti-gluten Humorist Gifts

"This was supposed to be 'Gluten-Free Comedy Night.' Which means no wheat jokes."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Two vegans, please."

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

The Official Covid-19 Diet

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'The customer is always right...'

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

Two vegetarians please.

"Hey, this is just a bun!" "Help yourself to the mustard."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

Free salad bar.

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

A sheep ordering in a restaurant - the sole item on the menu is grass.

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"One slice—hold the bread."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

"Eat lots of carrots."

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'