Anti-aging Guru Gifts

"Your mother's trying to become wrinkle-free."

Self help acupuncture

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

National Academy of Sport

Keep Fit.

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Do you think I'm sixty?

'I gotta lose some weight.'

Congratulations on the new you!

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

Humpty Dumpty in Occupational Therapy

'Look honey! I can touch my knees!'