Antenna Adjuster Gifts

'Okay, move your antenna a little to the right...'

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

WiFi Signals

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

'Would you care to hold until Mr. Jyles is better adjusted.'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

Glasses half full, half empty, half assed.

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

"Who the hell keeps turning up the heat in here!?!"

"We've had to create a whole new area in our filing system for your claim, Mr Butterfield.'

Pregnant woman going to 'Accident Claims'.

"The insurance company needs to see the alleged piece of straw before they’ll process your claim."

'I'm afraid, unless you can show proof you're employed by God, I'll have to deny this claim.'

'Your glass is half full!'

I bet those are accident reports.

"Is your glass half full with windfall profits, or half empty with a capital gains problem?"

"If you can fill these out before you pass away we can move on to stage two of your claim."

"Actually, I got these injuries dealing with my insurance company."

Straightening up.

Is TV Dumbing Down? PRESS ON SWITCH

"Incoming!!"

Insurance co. claims department.

'The object is to make money, not pay claims! Don't make me tell you again!'

"And what gives you the uneasy feeling that my workers comp claim is under investigation?"

Chiropractor and Veterinarian.

'So you say the cash box was stolen.'

'How did your meeting with your insurance company go?'

"I get great reception this way."