Volume Adjusters Gifts

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

Car with enormous speakers, "I said, I love the speakers!"

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

'Benson will you stop trying to dominate the meeting.'

Glasses half full, half empty, half assed.

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

"Who the hell keeps turning up the heat in here!?!"

'Can you speak up? I can't hear anything over my music!'

'Your glass is half full!'

"Is your glass half full with windfall profits, or half empty with a capital gains problem?"

Straightening up.

A silenced protester

"He found some Martha Stewart magazines."

"What she said - but louder, and with more authority."

Chiropractor and Veterinarian.

Small media against information monopolies

"Baldo, I don't need advice on looking cool in a new car."

'On the contrary, your glass is half full.'

I made a resolution to have a more positive attitude, but god knows how long that's gonna last...

Sneeze Police

"It's finally 'sweater on, then off, then on again' season."

Protester

IRS, 'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'

"Too loud?"

There are no 'bad jobs' only bad attitudes to jobs.

The federal reserve - when the going gets tough, the tough change interest rates.

Elevator volume control.

'Where's her volume control.'

Florist

'Could you speak a little louder?'

"Fred's conversational level speaks volumes. When he's losing an argument, he raises the volume."

"Together they were a 15-pounder."

The Daily Me