Rate Adjuster Gifts

The federal reserve - when the going gets tough, the tough change interest rates.

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

Institutions Controlling Money

'Would you care to hold until Mr. Jyles is better adjusted.'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

Glasses half full, half empty, half assed.

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

"Who the hell keeps turning up the heat in here!?!"

Bank of England Base Rates.

'Today, interest rates rose on news that general fear is up, so why not raise interests rates too?'

'Apparently, he leaned over to read a 'safety notice' and fell out of the window.'

I was an accident. The only baby pictures of me were taken by an insurance adjuster.

"The insurance company needs to see the alleged piece of straw before they’ll process your claim."

"We've had to create a whole new area in our filing system for your claim, Mr Butterfield.'

Pregnant woman going to 'Accident Claims'.

'I'm afraid, unless you can show proof you're employed by God, I'll have to deny this claim.'

'Never mind all the King's horses and all the King's men. Get me 'personal injuries direct'!'

'Adjuster of the Year' reads a Sports Illustrated at his desk that has two boxes, 'Claims Denied' and 'Claims Paid.' The first has an over flowing stack of paper in it, the other a single sheet of paper.

'Your glass is half full!'

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

"Imagine an accident at 60mph..." "It would be like being hit by a 60 ton elephant."

"Is your glass half full with windfall profits, or half empty with a capital gains problem?"