Ant Whisperer T-Shirts

"Instead of poison, I introduce liberal, intellectual ants into the population, eroding the ants' patriotism and causing them to question the authoritarian rule of the queen. Slowly, over generations, it weakens the ants' genetic resolve to the point where they stay in the nest at all times, watching television and writing letters to the editor."

Ant Farm in foreclosure

'Yes is this the exterminators? I think I have an ant problem. They've invaded my house.'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Police Feline Unit

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"Quick, start the car!"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"It get it – you're hungry."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Biofelineism

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

Dog Dreams

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

'You know too much!'

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Children's Feast.

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

'I don't care if it's hot, I won't go in the water!'

The Worm Charmer

Cats want answer to the big questions in life.

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'Don't bite it.I have to check Daddy next.'

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.