Annuity Avoider Gifts

"Opting out of annuities is going to be a disaster for some people..."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

'Here are the safety manuals you wanted'

Sawdust.

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

Big bumpers.

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.

D.I.Y ladder

"That's the last time we do our own taxes!"

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

"Since time is an issue, I didn't have time to organize my receipts."

'Before I send in my taxes,I want to know if I'm going to be audited.'

'I don't really have a personal best. I'm just sort of OK all the time.'

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"I wasn't smart enough for college. So instead of a diploma and a quarter million of debt all I've got is a growing plumbing business and a steady income."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'Your refund? — oh, we spent that money MONTHS ago!'

An agony of aunts

"They want us to work an extra two hours, so I'm either going to sneak out my office window or hide in the bathroom."

"But this is the way we've always done it."

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

'Nope, a handmade coupon for 'one free backrub' ain't gonna cut it for our 25th Wedding Anniversary hon...'

'You say you were trying to squirm your way out of an audit?'

"This? Oh it's to catch cyclists who ride on the pavement."

IRS...Please, let's not quibble over a few dollars!

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

'Vice is one thing but advice is far worse!'

'Thurlow, the difference between you and me is that I was smart enough not to take my own advice.'

Introducing the 1040 - F.I.* Form (*The tax return for the financially incompetent.)

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

'If the ECG isn't broken then we have problem'