Achievement Avoider Gifts

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

Butterfly Woman

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

Serious Putty

"That was one of the hardest exams ever. I don't think anybody got a good grade."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"We need to walk."

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

The Procrastinatorium.

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

"No, I'm not doing my homework, but I am watching a YouTube video of someone doing theirs."

'But, dear, I am walking the dog.'

List of things to do today. Make list of things to do tomorrow.

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

'This was to have been Hillary's greatest moment...'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

New years resolutions

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

Elf of the Month

'I don't really have a personal best. I'm just sort of OK all the time.'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'I'm sorry - Mr. Jenkins, MBA, PhD, MD, Esq. is O.U.T.'

Student at bookstore advertising used books advertises used homework.

"This is a great investment, as long as you're not in it for the thrills and chills."

'We did it! We each had a good day on the same day!'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."