Accountability Avoider Gifts

The buck pauses here.

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

Under new blame.

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Working in a blame culture?

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

Nervous at a party.

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

Election Cancelling Headphones

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.

'My philosophy is to sit down and the hell with being counted.'

"You don't need pronouns in your presentation. That's what finger-pointing is for."

Wait Brian! You forgot the little Airbus chapter!

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"That's the last time we do our own taxes!"

Owning your mistakes at work shows that you hold yourself accountable, and builds trust and credibility.

"Since time is an issue, I didn't have time to organize my receipts."

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

'Ms Simpson? Get me the Scapegoat du Jour.'

'Management can't avoid responsibility for poor patient care...I want to tender my resignation!'

'The new business plan is the same as the old business plan except that, due to layoffs, we have less scapegoats to blame in case of failure.'

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

'It's not our fault.'

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

'Before I send in my taxes,I want to know if I'm going to be audited.'

Making Amends: I haven't harrassed anyone in weeks....My new career: I'll be a secretary....to a female executive. Women can harass em all they life. I sentence myself to house arrest for 30 days, make that 90 days.

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

Student at bookstore advertising used books advertises used homework.

An agony of aunts

'Your refund? — oh, we spent that money MONTHS ago!'