Accountability Evader Gifts

'My philosophy is to sit down and the hell with being counted.'

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

Under new blame.

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Working in a blame culture?

Anger Management - Now Treating "Electoral College Rage"

Investigating Yourself

"You don't need pronouns in your presentation. That's what finger-pointing is for."

Wait Brian! You forgot the little Airbus chapter!

"Data is just another way of never having to say you're sorry. You know that, David."

'You'll notice on my resume that nothing has ever been my fault.'

Owning your mistakes at work shows that you hold yourself accountable, and builds trust and credibility.

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

'The doctor's office said you cancelled your appointment and put a restraining order on the rest of them.'

'Ms Simpson? Get me the Scapegoat du Jour.'

Civilian Oversight

There's so many things I should be doing that when I procrastinate, I'm multitasking.

'It's not our fault.'

Making Amends: I haven't harrassed anyone in weeks....My new career: I'll be a secretary....to a female executive. Women can harass em all they life. I sentence myself to house arrest for 30 days, make that 90 days.

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

'Management can't avoid responsibility for poor patient care...I want to tender my resignation!'

'The new business plan is the same as the old business plan except that, due to layoffs, we have less scapegoats to blame in case of failure.'

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

"That's the danger of mono tasking...you're too easily held accountable."

United States Senate Ethics Committee - All members being investigated.

'Stick to your diet or our talking scale will rat you out!'

A Breakdown in Process

Parole officer: Hanging in and hanging out.

Nassar is caught while MSU officials remain.

'I'm a man of my word! Once I've made a wrong decision, I stick to it!'

'Today's seminar will focus on individual accountability in the workplace. I did not deliver the handouts to the printer on time, soe we won't be able to refer to them. it's not my fault.'

"He's not good with change!"

"I've been trying for days, but I can't get hold of the Superintendent for Accountability."