Responsibility Avoider Gifts

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

"I don't like all the responsibility that comes with my new pompousness."

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

"I've been called for jury duty. How can I get out of it?"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

The Procrastinatorium.

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

Election Cancelling Headphones

'My philosophy is to sit down and the hell with being counted.'

List of things to do today. Make list of things to do tomorrow.

Beware... the Piñata of Adulthood

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

Student at bookstore advertising used books advertises used homework.

"I did the laundry while studying. Unfortunately, my mom can't find the lost socks or my missing assignments."

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

'Can I hand up my essay on Friday Miss. My ghostwriter is unwell at present.'

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

The Ostrich Syndrome: 'Who gets the check?'

"My Dad helped with my homework so don't blame me."

Rudy, it's come to my attention you've spilled 348 gallons of coffee and tea. What? I did not! I'm talking over the course of the last 16 years. Don't bother denying it, every time you've spilled a drop, Gunther measured it. Gunther? Who's Gunther? That's what I named him. He came here on a low-skilled work visa. He's been working under the floorboards ever since it expired. Very bad man.

'I think we have to move away from this Blame Culture.'

"So there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can think of giving up the New Year apart from your peanut collection?"

You fled to Canada because you're afraid of marrying me? Well, I ... I understand, Sadie. Really? Of course. How do you think I feel? You? Being the constant object of your lust. You're not helping.

'Remember...first one to drop takes the rap.'

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'

"What is the first item on the to do list?"

Lemmings look over a cliff at a safety net